I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
