I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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