just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I want to be your penis for a week.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
