YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
