this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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