non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
