hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
