nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
