Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
