I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
