tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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