So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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