Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
