i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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