so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
