I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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