Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
