i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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