Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
