she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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