Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
