I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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