so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
