I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
