the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
