fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
