roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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