tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
