all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
a search helicopter?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
