my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Say something about gay babies.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dick very happy bro
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
