I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
