Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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