I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize