I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
