can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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