we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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