All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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