I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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