So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
