my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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