the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
