If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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