Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize