I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
