i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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