Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
