if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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