Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
