Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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