Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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