i just wanna soil my oats bro
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
