omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize