Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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