I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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