So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
