Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
