come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
