Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
