She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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