I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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