the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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