Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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