I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
