Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
