Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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