put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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