Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize