a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
