Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
