I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
