you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't turn off my feet"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
