I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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